The Blank Page

The blank page awaits me again. The last one was here a year ago. It was the day after I had spent the night in the ER. I was driving home from a women’s ministry event and the weight of all that was happening around me finally took me down. I was as close to a mental breakdown as one could be. I was stressed, exhausted, miserable, dehydrated and done. Instead of staying in the hospital for three days like the doctor suggested I chose to walk out and do whatever it took to get my life back under control. That next morning, I was here. . .staring at the blank page. As a writer, the blank page is something I am very comfortable with but this time it was completely different. The words that would end up on that page would reveal all the pain that had led me to the ER and what I was willing to do to deal with it and move forward. That blank page would become a letter to myself and in time would prove to have been one of the most important pieces I had ever written.

Thankfully, this blank page that awaits me today isn’t here because of a trip to the ER. It isn’t here because of things that I need to deal with about my past nor is it here to help me deal with pain or heartache. This blank page has nothing to do with my past. It has everything to do with my future. I don’t have to look behind me anymore. My past is what it is. Nothing I can do, nothing I can feel, nothing I can say or write will change it and for the first time in my life, that’s ok with me. It’s mine. . .all of it. The good and the bad, the happy and the sad. . .all mine forever just the way it is. It’s done but I’m not!

I suppose that realizing that should have come to me much sooner than now. Perhaps for some of you, this seems a little crazy that I hadn’t known that all along. And maybe for the rest of you, you just got that like I did. It is what it is or maybe I should say, “It was what it was.” Embrace it. Own it. Deal with it and move forward. Let today hold for you all the possibilities that are before you not all the things that are behind you. I plan on doing just that. May the blank page that awaits me today reveal the desires of my heart and may it move me confidently in the direction of all my hopes and dreams for the rest of my tomorrows.

A Special Thank You

It's been a year since I've been here. My life may not have been interrupted but my blogs sure have!!! It's crazy how fast time flies by. This last year was one of the best years of my life and it came on the heels of my worst one. In the summer of 2008, I lost my father and my 19-year marriage. One week after my last post, I ended up in the ER suffering from a nervous breakdown. The week after that, I showed up on the doorstep of an old friend and for the next 10 months he held me. He held me until I was strong enough to continue on. He gave me a soft place to land, a safe place to rest and a sweet place to recover. I fell in love with him. I fell in love with him the minute he opened his door on a chilly, October night almost a year ago.

My daddy is the one who taught me how to dream but this man was the one who made me realize that my dreams - the dreams I hold deep inside me - would all come true because he was a part of one of the biggest dreams I had. As a hopeless romantic, I believed that a true, pure love was possible and he gave that to me. He gave me a lot and because of that I'm here tonight and ready for what this next year holds for me. For that, and so much more, I want to tell him thank you!

We all have special people who come along that impact our journeys forever, he was one of mine. Tonight, as I am writing this, I am wondering who you'll be thinking about. Who was one of the people who was or is a part of your life that made you feel like every dream you'd ever had would someday come true?

If you have a minute, please share your story with us. . .